February 2010 through August 2011
A fluke skiing accident, a torn ACL tendon and fractured knee. My little journey from knee surgery to running again. I remember searching the Internet for similar stories when this first happened – looking for a glimmer of hope that I'd be up and running again soon. Maybe someone will stumble upon this little blog someday and read about the positive outcome that I was looking for. (And I can look back years from now and appreciate my capabilities so much more.)
08.18.11
Earlier this week I bought myself a much needed new pair of running shoes. They're so bright and obnoxious that I've gotten a few looks from the friends and family that see them in the entry way. Oh well, I love 'em, and will be putting them to good use.
One year, six months and five days. That is how long it's taken me to feel like a runner again. I do feel like a runner. For a little over a month now I've been back to my "old" basic schedule – Tuesday/Thursday/Weekend. Three runs a week. One short, one fast, one long. ("Fast", of course, is relative.) My long runs are getting longer and my fast runs are getting faster.
06.28.11
Before my "first" 5K a few weeks ago, my friend Amy came over with a little gift. She gave me a beautiful leather and silver bracelet with "Mother Runner" engraved on the front, and a book called Sole Sisters. It's a great little book filled with short stories/essays about different women and the "sisters" they run with.
Amy and I try to run a couple times a week, but with four kids between us, we're lucky if we can get one post-bedtime run in. We run for our hearts – to keep them healthy – but it's more than that. These 3.2 mile jaunts around our country block have done so much more than keep two mid-thirties bodies healthy. Amy and I have worked through challenges as mothers, wives and friends. We've laughed so hard our faces hurt, and talked so much our voices could be heard by our country neighbors on cold mid-winter nights.
Our weekly runs were one of the things I missed the most during my knee-hiatus. Don't think we didn't keep up our almost daily conversations, either over the phone or at the kitchen table with a glass of wine. But I missed the pounding of our feet and hearts, day-to-day problems falling behind us as we made our way around the block.
Last week a friend of ours mentioned that her running partner had been too busy lately, and how she missed the company. I invited her to join us for a Tuesday night run and I'm really looking forward to it. Who knows, maybe we can start a local Tuesday night run for "Mother Runners". You never know.
However, I do know it's not going to replace my weekly runs with just Amy. My booty could use an additional jaunt around the block each week, and my mind can always use the extra time with my
06.11.11
(Update with photos)
It's done! And...better than I expected! My mental goal was to be under 40 minutes (best 5K time pre-knee junk was 29:38). As I was running towards the finish the clocked clicked 36:00 – I didn't stay for my chip time (the weather was cold and nasty) but I'm hoping it's just under the 36 minutes. Not awesome, but not too darned bad either considering I've only been running again for two months!
Kyle and the girls were there to cheer me on (best part of the day), and Kyle took a few pictures...
_____
At 9:00am I will be running my first 5K post-accident/surgeries. I'm nervous.
Not about the running part – I've already proven to myself that I can do it. I'm nervous that my slow time will discourage me. I've been running for a month or so now, but haven't timed myself. Not once.
Wish me luck (and patience, grace, humility, appreciation...).
5.31.11
Last night, after the girls were tucked into bed, my friend Amy and I ran three miles. That's not a big deal for my running partner, she can bang out 8-10 on an easy long run. For me...that's a BIG, GIANT, AWESOME DEAL!!
On Friday, February 12th, 2010 I ran four miles in just under 35 minutes. That previous Saturday my long run was 10 miles. The next day, February 13th..all hell broke loose (as well as my knee). It's been almost 16 months since I've ran an entire route. I have no idea how long that three miles took me last night – and I don't really care at this point. I'm just so glad that I finally did it.
I have the "She was on a journey back to her wings" painting on my office wall. The saying is always running {no punn intended} through my head while I'm slowly pounding the roads again. When I got out of the shower last night I noticed two white handprints on both of my shoulders – I'd slathered the girls with sunscreen and wiped the extra on my own shoulders (not doing a very thorough job). The result? Two perfect "wings" on each of my shoulders. It made me laugh and roll my eyes. Then I thought...hmmm...wings?
3.31.11
I ran by myself, outside, yesterday. My work was caught up, the girls were with Heidi, and like a little kid with spring fever, I justified taking an hour to myself and walked around the block. It's exactly three miles, I ran exactly 8 minutes of it. My calves, they were on fire. My knee...worked like a champ.
I ran a little with Amy a few weeks ago. I commented to Amy and Kyle how surprised I was that I wasn't emotional about the "first time outside/with Amy experience". I guess I thought I was a rock. Yesterday, not so much. The song I Will Not Be Broken came through my earphones. I started jogging, a few verses later, I stared sobbing (but still running...).
I Will Not Be Broken - Bonnie Raitt
That was then this is now
Found my way back here somehow
Knew you'd have to let me go
Told you once, I told you so
Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be
Someone other than who I am
I will fight to make my stand
Cause what is livin' if
I can't live free
What is freedom if
I can't be me
Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Baby, I may bend
But I know where I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I won't let you near it
I will let my spirit fly
Fly, high, high
Oh take me down
Take me down
You can hold me but you
Can't hold what's within
Pull me round
Push me to the limit
Maybe I may bend
But we both know I'm not going
I will not be broken
I will not be broken
I will not be...
Before we get too sappy here, the next song was Shake Your Rump by the Beastie Boys...so all was calm and good again soon enough. Happy Friday.
3.22.11
This picture is a long time coming. It's my friend Amy and I toasting our first "jog" around the block in more than a year. Really, it was a 3-mile walk with about 150 yards of jogging mixed in. Whatever you call it...it was fantastic!
3.11.11
It's been a long time coming – a knee update – there just hasn't been any news. Pretty boring. Bi-weekly visits to the physical therapy gym, nightly rides on the stationary bike, stretching, pulling, praying. It's been a slow couple of months. But, that's just what this knee of mine needed.
I haven't run since August 10th of last year. I've thought about it daily and continued to read (more like torture myself with) my monthly issue of Runner's World, but I have not lifted a foot and planted it with the intention of running in seven months. I haven't hit the road for a long, luxurious run in 13 months.
I ran today during therapy. I didn't cry (surprisingly). It didn't hurt (not surprised). My gait was soft, fluid and showed no sign of a limp or favoring my left leg. {oh great...now as I type this I've started to cry..} I think there is a big part of me that is afraid to get excited about this. There's a bigger part of me that knows a spring evening jog with my BNF (Best Neighbor Forever) is just a month or so away.
Deep breath.
Patience, Lisa. Patience.
12.20.10
Back under the knife. I'm ready this time – at least the house is cleaned, the girls are with my parents until tomorrow night, and my work schedule is light enough that I'll only be checking emails for a few days. Mentally...not so ready. It's one thing to make one wrong move and end up in pain, on crutches and at the mercy of your family. It's another entirely to spend all weekend thinking "this is the last night of comfy sleep" or "this will be my last trip to the basement for a while, I'd better sweep the stairs."
Every time I think about the weeks to come, the sleepless nights, the physical therapy that I'm dreading (No offense Gina...you're the only bright spot!), I remind myself how fortunate I am. I am truly surrounded by family and friends that will do anything for us at the drop of, well...a crutch! I have a warm, safe home in which to recover. A husband and two children that are ready and willing to "help Mommy out" for a while.
There, *sigh* pity party is over. Wish me luck. My prayers have been long lately, lots of more important things in this world, but they've also been saturated with the hope that this surgery is the solution and that 2011 will be a much more active, pain-free year.
Cross your fingers for me!
-Lisa
12.01.10
My last knee post was at the end of October. As of that post, my Dr. and I were giving my knee three weeks, then discussing our options. After the three week period, despite therapy and continuous work at home, the pain and popping in the inside of my knee was not getting any better. I had another x-ray as well as an MRI. The x-ray shows that the bone has healed, the MRI showed a small shadow that my Dr. wanted to investigate further with a CT scan. I had the scan two weeks ago, but with the Thanksgiving holiday was unable to get in for a follow-up appointment until today.
For the past two weeks I've been hoping and praying that today I'd be given a reason for the pain. Well...I got one.
The CT scan shows that a portion of the ACL (not visible in the x-ray or MRI) has not healed, and most likely isn't going to. What's next? ACL reconstruction. I'm scheduled for surgery on December 20th.
I'm okay with this. I almost cried in front of my Dr. (Almost...not quite.) The physical therapy that I endured after that first surgery in February had me panicked, but then we discussed the post-op procedures for this surgery compared to that one. Since we won't be worrying about bone healing this time around, I won't have to keep the leg immobilized for two months. This time I'll start range-of-motion exercises the next day – crutches for up to two weeks (not almost four months like last time.)
We got our first stick-to-the-ground snow today. Skiing anyone?
10.28.10
Yesterday I had two appointments, one with my physical therapist followed by an appointment with my Orthopedic Surgeon. I feel like they both went very well, despite what's in store.
As I posted a week or so ago, my knee has not been doing as well as we hoped. My range of motion is great, the knee moves freely, I am so close to moving it the way I could pre-accident – so this is good. However, my strength training is being limited by the pain on the inner side of my knee (at the site/area of the fracture). At my last visit with my Dr. we agreed to give it three more weeks and then seriously discuss our options going forward. Yesterday, that's exactly what we did.
There are a few scenarios as to why this part of my knee continues to be so painful, and why it's popping and sticking – could be a meniscus tear, more built up scar tissue, or some other crazy-named thing my Dr. mentioned. (Josie was with me...it was hard to catch it all.) Next week I'll be going in for another MRI. We'll look at the area and decide whether or not I need to have a third surgery.
For some strange reason, I'm O.K. with all of this. I really want to do whatever it takes to heal. If that means another surgery, fine. If the answer is spend the winter with the stationary bike and hula-hoop as my only form of exercise, that's fine too. I'm young, I have my entire life ahead of me, and many, many years of running in my future.
Wow... listen to those big-girl words!
Oh, the only part I wasn't too keen on? We're taking two weeks off from PT. I'll be doing my work at home, but until our next step is decided I won't be going back into the therapy gym. I'm sad! I've spend the last six months with them, I look forward to their banter as a group and the friendships I've formed. I'll miss you Gina! :-)
10.16.10
It's been a long time since I've posted anything about my knee. I ran a few days before my birthday, and a couple of times that following week. In therapy I was doing a lot of strength work, then coming home and doing the same exercises on my "off" days. I was putting 110% into getting myself back to pre-accident condition. Then something happened.
We're not sure what exactly the problem was, but my knee went downhill quickly. I really think I was doing too much too soon, and my therapist and Dr. agree. About five weeks ago I had to stop the strength work, the long walks, and of course the thoughts of running again any time soon. (Yes...you are allowed to insert a giant "I told you so here". I deserve it.)
I've "enjoyed" five, almost six, weeks of deep tissue work. Rubbing (painfully) out the knots that my leg muscles have developed. Working at getting my knee cap to move freely again. I've been riding the stationary bike for 20-30 minutes every day. I've been practicing Pilates 2-3 times a week, and Tuesday I took my first Hula-Hooping class. (Yep. Hula-Hooping.)
I kind of feel like the Universe has given me a long time-out. You know, "Hey little girl. We tried to get your attention back in February. Remember? Oh, and in April. You didn't listen either of those times, young lady, so listen now. Slow....the....heck....down! Take a deep breath, and please, please, please learn a little patience."
I'm learning, and it's hard. I am stubborn, – I can't help it. I've always been able to throw myself into something, figure it out and conquer it. No big deal. To quote my nephew Simon, "It's how I roll." Realizing that I am not in control of this knee "situation" is taking me a long time to accept.
After my last Dr. appointment I was really upset. Kyle and I were discussing the appointment and he asked me what it was I wanted the Dr. to tell me since I wasn't happy with what I heard. My answer? "I want him to tell me that the best thing I can do right now is to lace up my shoes, head outside and run 5 miles." That's not going to happen. Until then, I am going to try really, really, really hard to be patient, and I'm going to practice my Criss-Cross Applesauce.
So...I guess that's it. A knee update. Feel free to leave the comment "I told you so".
08.17.10
One week since my Monday night run, and I'm still feeling a little sore. (Insert "I told you so" here.) I'm not sure if it was the running, or the hamstring and quad work we've been focusing on at therapy, but my muscles are sore and my knee keeps "clicking" a few times a day. It's almost like it gets stuck or something, then when it releases there's a strong, and kind of painful, "pop". My therapist was NOT happy to learn that I'd been for a run. Her thoughts are that I need to re-gain the strength in the supporting muscles before I put my leg through that type of exercise. She's right. I'm going to hold off for a little while. I have an appointment with my Dr. on Wednesday. We'll see what he has to say as well.
08.10.10
Last night, after the girls were in bed and I had stained the last of the deck boards, I ran. Outside. In the hot, humid August air. I passed deer in the corn fields, two rabbits ran in front of me. The sun was setting and my feet were carrying me down our quiet dirt road. I took it easy, ran the 1/2 mile to the crossroad, stopped for a minute, then slowly made my way home. One of my neighbors passed me on the way back. They may think I've gone off the deep end. I was grinning from ear to ear!
When I got back home and walked into the back yard, Kyle could tell it went well. I think the size of my smile and the tears in my eyes gave it away.
I can feel my wings sprouting...
07.31.10
5 months and 18 days after my accident...I RAN! I RAN, I RAN, I RAN!! Only 14 minutes and 9 seconds on the treadmill...but I RAN!
07.20.10
"Beyond the very extreme of fatigue and distress, we may find amounts of ease and power we never dreamed ourselves to own; sources of strength never taxed at all because we never push through the obstruction." – William James
07.12.10
Typing this, I feel like I'm "graduating". Last Friday I reached 130˚. Today at PT we started new strength exercises and only included a few ROM exercises. My new goal is to build the strength that I lack in my quadriceps. I've also been sent home with instructions to take 3-4 long walks each week. It's been almost six months since my running partner Amy and I have had evening runs together. She's ready and willing to walk for a few months instead. I'm so excited to have our "mommy therapy" time back!
06.29.10
120˚...you read it! One-hundred-twenty-degrees!!!! I've also graduated from some of the range-of-motion exercises and am now doing strength work, such as classic lunges. It feels amazing! (Although a little sore this morning.) That is one complaint I have - the minute I lay down at night my leg starts aching and it's impossible to fall asleep without some type of pain killer/sleeping pill combo. My poor liver - but hey...my knee is getting better!!
06.08.10
Yesterday I was able to bend to 100˚ by myself. Today, only 95˚ (Ugh). I asked my therapist what I need to do before I can start running. Her answer was full range of motion - 130˚ as well as gain a little more strength in my leg. This all taking so long!! Patience Lisa, patience.
06.03.10
Surgery went well. They were able to bend me to 120˚. Now the challenge is to keep that bend with daily physical therapy appointments this next month. The pain in my leg is nothing like it was last time, but it's certainly uncomfortable. Kind of like really, really pulled muscles and bruising. I've been trying to bend it myself since arriving home yesterday – I'm able to move more than pre-surgery, but not as much as my PT will today. I also only used crutches for a hour or so yesterday, so the strength is still there. I keep quoting Jenna's message: "Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." – Christopher Robin to Pooh
06.02.10
Kyle and I are leaving in a few minutes for the hospital and my second knee surgery. If the pesky little bone than broke in February stays where it belongs, this surgery will be a good thing. My Dr. is cleaning out scar tissue and manipulating the knee to bend further than I've gotten it on my own.
05.27.10
I am scheduled to go in for a second knee surgery next Wednesday. They are going to clean out scar tissue and manipulate the knee so it bends further. It's not progressing like it should and hopefully this will help. There is, of course, the chance that the ACL will tear the bone back off. If that happens I'll be back to square one and have to let it heal for another 6 weeks before starting back up with therapy. I am staying positive and not letting that be an option right now.
05.25.10
Today I find out if my Dr. will have to manipulate my knee. I bent it to 81˚ at therapy yesterday, but he wanted me to gain at least 30˚ these past few weeks – I gained 27˚. Appointment is at 1:50pm. I'm nervous. Really, really nervous...
05.19.10
Yesterday I bent my knee to 76˚. Not a huge improvement over the weekend, but I didn't go backwards either. I'm able to lift the knee quite a bit now, and haven't been wearing my brace at all. (Sorry Dr. Heethouse...it just doesn't fit anymore!) I've noticed a huge increase in leg strength since last week. Walking without crutches has become easy finally, a little awkward with such stiff knee, but a lot more stable. Next Tuesday is my Dr. appt. I need to gain 8 more degrees of bend. *Fingers Crossed* Off to therapy!
05.13.10
This will be day four completely crutches-free. I've also completed my fourth week of physical therapy. The no-crutches life is great – SLOW, but freeing. Not having to grab those things before standing up, or work around them while trying to go through day-to-day life is great. Now...the PT. Ugh. I'm still pretty frustrated. I need to pay attention to the little victories and not focus so much on what I still can't do. My knee will bend to 74˚ (a little victory that I see as a failure. My Dr. wanted to see 98˚ last week - I'm still so far off!) I don't have therapy again until Tuesday, so I have four days to gain a few degrees of bend – a victory for sure if I could go back a few degree ahead. Wish me luck.
05.08.10
Today is the 5/3 Riverbank Run 25K I was training for. Yes, I'm disappointed that I won't be running it, but I also realize there will be another race next year, and the year after that. (Plus, it's 40˚ and raining this morning. I guess I should be happy that I'm snuggled up on the couch and not pounding out 15 miles in the rain!)
05.06.10
Big accomplishment today – I was able to lay on my back, hold onto my thigh, and hang my leg over towards the floor – without help. Kyle was helping me with this exercise last night (holding my foot up a little so the full weight of it wasn't on my knee), I only had to endure this for five minutes, but sobbed the entire time. The pain is right up there with childbirth. Anyway, today...I was able to do it unassisted, and without tears. It still hurt like a son-of-a-gun, but it's done. My goal is to be able to do this tomorrow at therapy!
05.05.10
This morning at therapy I cried for the first time. Couldn't help it – so far I've tried to grit my teeth through the pain, but not today. Silent tears, red face, the works. Oh well. I'm sure they've seen worse! I've been given the go-ahead to walk crutch-free. A huge step, that's for sure. Yesterday I used one crutch half of the time, and today I'll try for a little less. Oh boy, was I sore last night. The muscles sure are waking up.
05.04.10
It's time to start the "journey". As it says in the canvas shown above (the one I look at no less than 10 times a day)
"She was on a journey back to her wings".
I have completed three weeks of physical therapy and feel like I'm officially on my way back to the old Lisa.
02.22.10
Diagnosis: Surgery on my torn ACL and evulsion fracture in my knee.
02.13.10
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